What Can You Get A Wookie For Christmas When He Already Owns a Comb?

Been that kind of day -- where it's either shots of stuff from that bottle under Jason's desk that's so old the label has fallen off and no one remembers what kind of liquor it used to be, or repeated viewings of cute (see here) in the hopes of a contact giggle high.

But it could be worse.

I could have been the one responsible for "Christmas in the Stars: The Star Wars Christmas Album."

Warning: I-Mockery is a bit salty in his review, so some of you might want to just find the link to click that allows you to listen to C3PO sing to R2-D2's harmonies and skip the rest.

The music is especially useful if you've never heard of bells and wonder what they might signify.

Or if you thought that the Star Wars Holiday Special was as low as the long, long time ago property could sink. (I await the Jar-Jar Easter Extravaganza.)

Enjoy, and think as I do, "Wow, it really could be worse..."

Just my thoughts,

Sean

My Thanksgiving Blog Post...

...Is to not natter away at you.

Instead, I direct you to Stephan Pastis, cartoonist creator of Pearls Before Swine, as he ties thankfulness and his recent USO trip to Iraq.

Peace.

Just my thoughts,

Sean

Bohemian Muppsody

Thanks to Jeff for putting me onto this.

Enjoy.

Southern Churchpatality - Part 2

For Part One go here.

Now that the issue of my sister-in-law’s health (Say-rah, bless her heart) had been settled, Catherine and I thought we were done.

But this being the South, and politeness being key, we needed a chance to feel included.

“WOULD Y’ALL LIKE TO JOIN US AND SING IN THE CHOIR THIS MORNING?”

I made the mistake of laughing, as I assumed she was joking.

You see, choirs wear robes, and rehearse – typically on Thursday nights. (The Thursday night rehearsal is a time-honored tradition, started ages ago by pastors trying to get their congregants to stop watching FRIENDS.)

As I didn’t have a robe, and didn’t rehearse, well, she must have been joking, right?

“ARE Y’ALL SURE? THERE’S PLENTY OF ROOM UP THERE.”

She nodded to the choir loft, off to the right of the pulpit.

We knew it was the choir “loft” even though it didn’t “loft” – it was a flat area. But it had chairs facing sideways, and was partially obscured by on old non-pipe organ; hence it qualified as “loft.”

Knowing full well that they couldn’t possibly use the number of seats in the loft as their only audition requirement, we declined a second time.

That’s when I caught sight of my brother, behind the altar doing whatever it is that pastor interns do before Southern protestant services (my guess, changing the wine back into grape juice through a holy process called “trans-sub-standardization”).

He was smiling a “just you wait and see smile.”

Which we understood after the service got underway.

There were less than twenty congregants total, scattered throughout the church.

No one, however, was in the choir loft.

No one, that is, until the pastor made the announcement,

“And now, our choir will gift us with a few hymns.”

At which point every person in the church, aside from my wife and me, stood up, walked to the choir loft and took a seat.

Every. Single. Person.

Once they all settled into their seats, the choir director turned and addressed the audience (both of us) with an “Our first hymn will be number 23.”

The choir flipped through their hymn books, giving away their lack of rehearsal with exclamations like:

“Oh, an oldie but goodie.”

And

“I don’t think I know this one.”

Okay. So this is a group with their Thursday nights free.

Cath and I did a pretty good job at keeping a straight face at the oddity of the situation.

Luke, up in the choir loft, didn’t even try; he laughed and praised, especially after the choir director invited the congregation to sing along with the choir on the second chorus of #76, "Leaning On the Everlasting Arms."

Both of us obliged.

When they finished struggling and sight-reading their way through four hymns – including the special music selection of #276 "Oh Happy Day" in honor of the pianist’s birthday – they all got up and found their way back to their scattered seats, no longer the choir, just congregants.

Like all the rest of us.

Just my thoughts,

Sean

Conflict of Ideas and Desires

From Go Into the Story, this quote:

"Very often my films are about the conflict between our ideas and our desires, and that's where the drama is for me. We know how we're supposed to act, but we're constantly in rebellion against the things we've been taught, and our hearts and bodies are telling us other things. That's true from Body Heat right through to Wyatt Earp--you have an idea of how you should live your life, but it's very difficult to live up to that. That's the material that interests me."

-- Lawrence Kasdan (Raiders of the Lost Ark, Body Heat, The Bodyguard)

Reminiscent of St. Paul, eh? "I do what I don't want to do..."

Wonder if he wrote movies instead of letters all the time, what interesting conflicts he might have come up with.

Just my thoughts,

Sean

Southern Churchpatality

Over at Stuff Christians Like, Jon is talking about choirs.

Which puts me in mind of a choir Cath and I encountered in Georgia.

We were visiting my brother, Luke (pre-USMC days). He was interning with the Pastor of three (or was it four) rural churches.

Sarah (Say-ruh, as the congregants would say) stayed home that Sunday, feeling under the weather. But Cath and I showed up to support baby bro.

Now, I find visiting churches to always be awkward affairs.

There’s always the fear that of making the faux pas – singing the verse designated by tradition as “women only,” or kneeling when everyone else stands, or going for the hug during the passing of the peace when by “peace” they mean “manly handshake.”

So the game plan for my lovely wife and I was to hang out in the back, mix in with the crowd, and be invisible.

That was the plan. Blend in. Be invisible.

Right.

When we first stepped into the sanctuary (“sanctuary” – isn’t that supposed to mean “safe refuge?”), our invisibility cloaks failed as we were called out by the eighty-year old greeter.

Not so odd, as most churches have greeters, and they are usually older. Where do you think they train for Wal-Mart?

But usually the greeter is at the door.

Here the greeter was at the front of the church. We were at the door in the back.

And the conversation reverberated in between, bouncing off the two or three other people that were there.

“WELL, HOWDY Y’ALL!”

“Uh, hello.”

“Y’ALL MUST BE LUKE’S FAMILY. WELCOME!”

“Uh, thanks.”

“WHERE’S SAY-RUH?”

“Oh, she’s not feeling well.”

“BLESS HER HEART, POOR THING.”

Fortunately we were interrupted by another congregant entering behind us.

Did I say fortunately? I need to get me a dictionary.

This lady had about ten years on the greeter, which manifested itself in greater hearing loss.

“Well, hello, and who do we have here?”

“THAT’S LUKE’S FAMILY.”

The greeter apparently felt it part of her duties to introduce us.

She didn’t feel it part of her duties to move any closer to us or the door.

I think maybe she was guarding her favorite pew spot.

“WHO?”

“LUKE! LUKE! LAAA-UUUUKE!”

“THIS ISN’T LUKE!”

“Hi, I’m Luke’s brother.”

“WELL WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO?”

I didn’t answer, as the question wasn’t addressed to me.

“I DID. TURN UP YOUR HEARING AID!”

“WHERE’S SAY-RUH?”

Again, not addressed to me.

“SHE’S NOT FEELING WELL.”

“NOT FEELING WELL? BLESS HER HEART. IS SHE HURLING?

“I DON’T KNOW. IS SHE HURLING?”

That was addressed to me. What’s the protocol for discussing the internal going’s on of one’s sister-in-law-intern-patstor’s-wife?

“Uh…

“MAYBE IT’S COMING OUT THE OTHER SIDE. ASK IF IT’S THE OTHER SIDE.”

Mind you, the woman asking the greeter if it’s “the other side” is standing next to me.

And that the greeter who is about to ask me if it’s “the other side” is standing on the farther end of the sanctuary.

And that sanctuary does not in any way connote “safe refuge.”

“BLESS HER HEART. IS IT THE OTHER SIDE?”

The only positive I could think of that kept me from feeling total humiliation was that only a dozen people were in the church at the time; so at least this conversation wasn’t broadcast to the entire congregation.

That was before I learned that the entire congregation totaled – you guessed it – a dozen people.

To be continued…

Just my thoughts,

Sean

When Ads Go Bad ... Or The Truth in Pictures

Saw this ad in a Fitness Magazine:
Pretty simple ... take said product and lose weight.

But, wait, before you try to lose weight, you should notice the fine print.

Sorry ... it may be too fine for you to see. I'll transcribe:

*Dramatization. Results not typical. Cartoons lose weight easily. Real people require regular exercise and a reduced-calorie diet to lose weight." ...

YES! Seriously! It says CARTOONS LOSE WEIGHT EASILY!!

Really???

Just my weighty thoughts,
cath

Quote of the Day

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

-Paula Poundstone

It's A Little Bit Country, It's A Little Bit of the Force...

I was always a big fan of the Donny & Marie Show.

And I really like Star Wars.

So, according to Hollywood logic, I should love this:



But no, it burns! It burns!

Thanks David, for helping destroy two childhood joys. (And y'all thought the Star Wars Christmas Special had a unique level of horrificitude!)

Just my thoughts,

Sean